


Foggy Brain

by Nylazor



Series: The Adventures of Cal Amell [16]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Asexual Character, Dissociation, M/M, Tattoos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-08-05 18:37:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16372892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nylazor/pseuds/Nylazor
Summary: Cal lives AuZevran gives Cal a tattoo.





	Foggy Brain

**Author's Note:**

> Cal has Cptsd and dissociates frequently, this is part of a trauma response from his abusive childhood.

Zevran gently dabbed the excess ink and blood from the tattoo. He had just finished the outline and was pleased with the result.

“How does that feel, Cal?” He asked.

“I'm good!” Cal enthused.

To anyone else, this may have sounded like permission to continue, but Zevran knew Cal, he wasn't that happy, ever. 

Zevran poker his shoulder. “What did I tell you about lying about limits mi amor, do it again and I won't finish your tattoo.”

Cal went quiet. His chin had been resting on his hands but at the jab he buried his face into his arms.

“It's ok, not to be ok with pain, you're not used to it I understand, it's ok to have limits.” Zevran chided.

Cal sighed and pushed himself up, so he was on a sitting position. His eyes were hooded and far away.

“My brain is foggy, again. This is the third time, can't we just do it?”

“No. I think you get like this when you're in over your head, best to take things slow.” Zevran said.

“But I want a tattoo what does it matter if I get a little distant.” Cal folded his arms, he looked drowsy.

Zevran sighed. “Because I care about you, you don't have to push through it and just endure it, this isn't your childhood and this isn't the blight. It's important that you learn you have limits.” Cal scowled. “Besides, most of the time you don't remember when you're like this, it's like you're losing a part of yourself.”

He looked away. “You sound like like a Sister. Shouldn't an assassin be tougher than this?”

Zevran reached out and caressed Cal's face. “Maybe if you were a fledgling crow I would be tougher on you, but you are my lover and you have enough scars.”

Cal looked vaguely confused. “I don't have any scars.” 

Zevran chuckled, Cal was always a bit more dense when his brain was far away. “I didn't mean physical. Now let's get you to the here and now. Catch.”

Zevran threw a toy ball at Cal, and to his dismay Cal flinched like it was a rock. The ball bounced harmlessly off his chest and rolled away. Zevran's heart hurt knowing why Cal flinched like that. He reached over and grabbed the ball and handed it to Cal. 

“You throw the ball to me.” Zevran said, Cal squinted at the ball. “It'll make sense later.”

Cal gently tossed it to him, it was so low Zevran had to lurch to catch it before it hit the ground. 

“Now me, eh?” Zevran lobbed the ball high in the air, high enough that Cal had plenty of time to catch it.

Cal fumbled, but ultimately held onto it, before throwing it back. They continued this little game until Cal was looking more alert, his eyes fully open.

“I'm feeling a bit more like myself.” Cal admitted, catching the ball and holding onto it.  
“Why do we have to do this? I wasl fine, I happen to like when my brain get foggy, reminds me of when I cut.”

Zevran tsked. “I just told you, you don't have to push yourself until you don't know up from down. So what if it takes more time, we have time.”

Cal grumbled and went to lay back down, when Zevran caught his shoulder.

“I finished the outline, we can do the inking another day.”

Cal scrunched up his face in frustration. “So we did that stupid game for no reason?” He seethed.

“I happen to like being with you when I don't have to keep reminding you what day it is, it wasn't for no reason, it was for my sake.” Zevran replied dryly.

Cal buried his face in his hands. “I'm sorry you're right. I'm just so frustrated! It's like I'm worse than when I was in the circle and blight! What's wrong with me?”

Zevran scratched his chin. “Maybe your brain didn't want to bring all this stuff up until you were safe? Like your brain was trying to protect you?”

Cal shrugged and Zevran stood up. “Are you going with Cassie?” 

“I was thinking of it, why?”

Cal looked extremely unhappy. “I… I could sleep with you instead…”

Zevran snorted. “Nice try mi amor, but I happen to know you despise sex.” Cal glanced away, Zevran sat back down. “I don't have to go, we can sit together and read all night if you want.”

“No! I want you to be happy! I want you to be with Cassie, I just… I wish I could please you like that. I'm jealous.”

Zevran pressed his lips to Cal's cheek. “She may be where my loins lie, but you are where my heart lies. Always. Say the word and I'll never sleep with anyone again.”

Cal sighed. “I know. I'm just insecure.”

Zevran threaded their fingers together. “Let's stay together a bit longer, I'm sure Cassie won't mind.”

Cal laid his head on Zevran's shoulder. “I'd like that.”

**Author's Note:**

> Edit: ahhh! I forgot to say, Zevran is tattooing the grey warden emblem on Cal's back! Cal can deal with a little pain, but the back, specifically over the spine, is one of the most painful places to get a tattoo.


End file.
